How Far Will He Go to Save Face?

We lust over each other’s instagram accounts, exchange a couple of perfectly scripted emoji texts and he asks if I know of any great happy hours in the area. Assuming the final hurdle was just making sure our pictures match up with our true, un-filtered- selves, I agree to meet for half priced drinks and some garlic aoli fries. His hand is on my thigh, cackling at all of my stupid jokes. He verbally assures me that i’ll ‘love his mom’. His phone rings, he doesn’t budge. He refuses to make eye contact with the much younger blonde server as he compliments my eyes and waits for me to blush. This means I’m getting a second date right? Wrong.

The next morning, I wake up to twenty five spam email reminders and a text from my dad asking why I always come home so late. “Because my date and I stayed up til the bar closed talking about our dreams and aspirations, that’s why DAD.” That thought makes me smile, and then I remember…no text from Mr. Wonderful this morning. He’s probably just playing hard to get, I think. The day progresses. I run through my head all of the possible conversations we could have already had by 8 pm when I shoot him the highly un-suggested text “How’s your day?” flipping my phone upside down so I don’t stare at it awaiting his response. Two hours later..nothing. Two hours, turn into two days and I find the courage to insecurely ask “Is everything ok?” Nothing. Now I’m upset. Amazing date, amazing potential, no follow up. “He’s married, blind or stupid” my sister reassures me as a text comes in:

“I…i’m so sorry…everything’s not ok…I got shot on Saturday night”


Believe it or not, this was the icing on the cake to the plethora of lines I had been fed that month alone. “My best friends mother died, I have to take care of her and the estate” “I have this insane test that I have to study for, it’s a make it or break it career opportunity” “I hit a deer on the way home, my car is totaled.” “I’m getting back with my ex girlfriend, we want to make this work”. You know what’s easier to explain? “I’M JUST NOT INTO YOU”.

You want to know why that’s easier? Because there’s no follow up question to that answer. I’m never going to ask you why you’re not that into me, I’m always going to move forward knowing you had the respect to let me know the truth, despite how painful you think it might be. What’s painful is not understanding why you wouldn’t rent a car after totaling your other one to go on date two with the woman of your dreams. Or bringing me over to help you study, with nothing but the radio on.

U-G-L-Y, no need for all these alibi’s, just TELL ME I’m ugly. Don’t tell me you didn’t text me because a nurse was tending to your gun shot wounds. Tell me you didn’t text me because you hated the fact that I lived with my father. There are plenty of fish in the sea, I’m going to be less impressed with your deceit than I would ever be with your blunt honesty. I’d have to quit my day job if I was meant for everybody. It’s not the end of the world if we aren’t meant to be, but it’s the end of our friendship if I can’t trust the words coming out of your mouth. While a little distance at the start of a relationship is healthy, ignorance is not. Disregarding text messages, not following up with date plans and certainly making excuses for lack of effort are all signs that although he thinks i’ll love his mom, i’ll never get the opportunity to meet her.

Excuses are like assholes….and you my friend are one.



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