When I was young my Barbie’s were wed. They were domestic, and well dressed. Ken never slept on the couch, and our pink jeep only blew one tire. My plastic dolls were committed. Like penguins, they partnered up and mated for life. Essentially I built the life every seven year old thought would unfold. When you’re that naive, you’re that happy. What you don’t know, rarely hurts you. Marriage, I learned in my later years was like the Bermuda Triangle. Happy people went in, and nobody came out

At ten years old, I collected “choose your own adventure books”, quickly learning that there was more than one way to get to an ending. Some people read them straight through, closing the book with a direct shot to the end. I however curiously read 15+ different stories, switching paths to compare the journey’s. 

Divorce is the worst ending to the most twisted adventure.  Always wondering if you had made a left instead of that right, if you’d still be such a failure. My Barbie’s never went to funerals, and they sure as hell never filed for separation, but these days more than 60% of vows are no longer honored. 

“If you’ve never lived it, you probably don’t understand it” is the bullshit most of my married friends try to shove down my throat. Which I’ve learned is true for the most part. But I’ve been exposed to it enough that I  find it easy to pin point what all you airheads are doing wrong. Which is why I’m here to tell you how to save your marriage. 

1. Resist temptation. Don’t put yourself in a position to fail by constantly exposing yourself to people who don’t have anything to lose. 

2. Find your happiness. Marriage isn’t always about each other. It’s about being selfish at times. Keep your soul enriched by allowing your self love to flourish. Don’t depend on your partner to give you attention beyond their ability, and certainly find gratification in exploring things alone. 

3. Never give up. Quitting is easy. Being a winner is hard. Just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Sometimes the best endings are on the other side of diversity. If you’re gonna half ass anything, let it be your negativity as you power through the problems.

4. Honor your commitment. When you vow to love somebody through sickness and health, don’t jump ship when they tell you they are losing their damn mind. Mental illness is an illness nonetheless. Keep your word, channel compassion. 

5. Embrace change. Every ten years I’m a new me. And you will be too. Some decades can be rough, but you have no idea who anyone will be tomorrow, let alone next year. If we could stop time, where would you choose to be? Remember that you’ve had that moment and it’s possible to have it again.

Marriage isn’t something you just get better at. Which means, giving up in anticipation for a better outcome with fresh meat is unrealistic. If you can’t figure it out the first time, you’re probably gonna crash and burn in the next round. 

To put it lightly, it’s a you problem. People are counting on you to persevere in less than ideal circumstances. And you’re probably just sitting in your car with six boxes of shit you don’t even need trying to run from your problems instead of face them. I took that path in one of my “choose your own adventure books”…spoiler alert: you die unhappy. Take my advice, or don’t. But, the only D word in MY vocabulary moving forward is Determination. 

One thought on “The D Word 

  1. I strongly believe that communication is the root of just about every dating/relationship problem. Some say it is 10% what you say and 90% how you say it. Most couples that I know like to talk about their significant other, and the problems they have with them, instead of talking to them about it. Bottling up feelings and ‘keeping score’ seem to be pretty common. I know I am guilty of it, and I wrecked a relationship doing so. It was an important lesson to learn, and maybe the end justified the means. I am ready to date, and find an amazing woman to explore this world, and build a life with.

    Address problems and issues as they come, in an adult manner, and I think so many things will be better.

    Liked by 1 person

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