Patience is, without thought, a counter instinct. Which deems it’s very existence a thousand times more difficult to achieve if you’re not constantly practicing it. Let’s be realistic, who has time to practice patience? Ghandi. That’s it. Because, realistically, that dude didn’t have a job. 

Next time I go to the Department of Motor Vehicles you know my ass isn’t about to let anybody skip me in line. Our time is valuable, our time isn’t guaranteed. By nature, you and I will always want something now, and waiting for it is not instinctual because as luck would naturally have it, waiting could be counter intuitive to gaining what we as a species want if tomorrow never comes. 

                     Me. Hungry. Now
 

Breathing, now that stuff comes naturally. When someone dunks your ass in the pool and expects you not to breathe, that shits hard. Because naturally you want to; and at some point naturally you’re going to. I’m not saying having patience is identical to drowning, but like. It’s damn near close. 

So, I looked up virtues today, cause I wanted to find out what else I wasn’t born with. Get this: 

  • Humility against pride. Check.
  • Kindness against envy. Check please. 
  • Abstinence against gluttony. Check.
  • Chastity against lust. Ch…eck?
  • Liberality against greed. Check.
  • Diligence against sloth. Checkity check. *clicks heels*
  • Patience against anger. Dammit. 

These heavenly virtues are powerful against the seven deadly sins, and I manage to check most of them off quickly and efficiently daily. Until I reach patience. And I’m wondering why I’m even googling virtues, I don’t have time for this! The irony is that it’s the contrary virtue to anger. Which I’ve been carrying the weight of a lot lately. 

It’s such a gift to have the moral integrity to be able to hold out for something you want. Foregoing instant gratification, to me, is like shooting myself in the foot. It’s gonna hurt, but I’m not gonna die. I have never prayed for anything so hard in my life. For the ability to hold out. Even sometimes for a minute. To be able to hold back. Even sometimes just for a day. And the ability to counter balance anger with something, anything; patience. 

The idea of patience in itself makes me angry, go figure. My patience wears about as thin as an Olsen twin and I have nothing to combat my feelings of anger with. So I turned my gaze inward today and tried to find out what was causing my deep deflection of this very simple virtue. Simply put, its a fear of loss. It’s the inability to endure discomfort without complaint. 

I tried to find examples of people who might be role models of practicing god-like amounts of patience in my presence, and honestly, turns out, we’re all fucked
I don’t know who made this a virtue that stood in line with other things like “kindness”. But it’s damn near impossible in this generation to be patient. It’s pretty much cake to be nice. 

In my experience, anybody who says they were “super patient” for a period of time in their life, wasn’t. They just remember it working out and therefore project some admirable quality about being patient when they didn’t even really need to be. Someone who waits for a friend while they go to the bathroom isn’t the mayor of tolerance town. There’s no discomfort without complaint in just living a life that goes smoothly.

Patience is enduring a life of irony. It’s caring about someone when they can’t open up right now. Patience is fighting cancer as it eats away at your last little bit of existence. Patience is pregnancy. Patience is love. Patience is knowing what it’s like to be abandoned but having the faith to wait all over again…

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