“But, doesn’t my opinion matter?”
It doesn’t. Not when your opinion is in regards to the conjunction of two separate entities. Wherever you go, and whoever you love nothing matters of your own desires until his or hers are parallel in comparison. And that’s the sad, sad truth. Mostly because it doesn’t really matter when you feel like it’s right, if it’s not right for both, it’s not possible for you.
Finding yourself empowered and not deflated in these moments is and will forever be the hardest lesson to continuously learn. It feels redundant, and perpetual. Those moments when you’re blindsided by the slow motion movements of their lips as they escort you out of their life with confident, but also rash decisions.
Don’t I have a say on us? Guess not. What I’d say to my almost ex-boyfriend in desperation is now rage; rage that I can’t carry forever because it melts me to my core. I speak of him in highly unsuggested expletives to my girlfriends as we vow to never let another man, good or bad, into our minds; near our bodies.
Who’s the real bad guy here? Someone who let me go; to be with someone who wants to desperately partake in a love affair of epic proportions? Someone who knew he couldn’t find a way to quiet my own insecurities with how many he carried on his own? The man who knew I was meant for so much more? Certainly not him.
I’m the bad guy. I’m the one with the opinion. The one who feels even a hint of remorse for not seeing wrong from right. Because it was always right. So right; just not right now. Timing is the single most important factor in fastening a connection into a relationship. And I can’t blame time. It doesn’t know any better. It’s on nobody’s side.
Love takes failure, even if it’s a thousand heart breaks within a moments time. Relationships take courage. Courage to say, she’s a wonderful woman, but she’s not my right now. Connections take faith. Faith in people being the best them while you explore the intricacies of their being. Romance takes honesty. Honesty about where you stand as a person and who you can be for more than just yourself.
Too many people don’t realize this until it’s too late. So, get off your dating app, stop flirting with the waitress, and find a way to keep time from being a burden and allow it to mold you into a wholehearted human being.
That’s the only place my opinion matters when you left. Not on our almost relationship, or a quickly snuffed out connection, but on who I know you have the capability to be.
And nobody wants to be a heartbreaker.